Healing Trauma Through Growth-Fostering Relationships
A/N: I found this piece waiting in my drafts from April 2023. I touched it up a bit, but the events which inspired this original piece are now over 1 year old (though I left the recent-past tense in the piece). I may revisit this concept with a reflection piece, as I still see how these general thoughts I had are still so true and relevant to how I experience my current relational landscape, which is much different than the one illustrated below.
Enjoy the read!
A/N: I found this piece waiting in my drafts from April 2023. I touched it up a bit, but the events which inspired this original piece are now over 1 year old (though I left the recent-past tense in the piece). I may revisit this concept with a reflection piece, as I still see how these general thoughts I had are still so true and relevant to how I experience my current relational landscape, which is much different than the one illustrated below.
Enjoy the read!
Today I realized something important. No matter what partner, my anxieties around deception and abandonment show up at some point. I know these reactions are informed by my trauma history, and while I’ve come a long way in processing these feelings and experiences, there are moments where they still affect me very strongly. I can’t tell if this will ever fully dissipate, but something I noticed is that there are some relationships where this part of myself becomes a source of stress and disconnection, and others where it’s a non-issue and is worked through as quickly as it arises.
I began to wonder, why is this such a big issue with some partners and not with others? I concluded it came down to the dynamic within each individual relationship, and how all parties interact with each other in that space. In writing this article, I came to understand that it is more complicated than simply ‘chemistry.’ Communication compatibility, the structures placed within a relationship, the trauma histories, and how all parties respond to the each other all inform how the trauma-brain parts of myself interface in relationships and what happens when activation occurs.
To understand my experiences better, I decided to examine this recent series of moments from the relational-cultural counseling theory.
Relational-cultural Theory
Relational-cultural theory (RCT) believes that our experiences and identities are shaped by our relationships. Healing occurs when healthy, secure relationships are built, and trauma accumulates when we isolate ourselves from authentic connections. Authenticity is cultivated through affirming experiences in relationships. When we are not accepted in our relationships, we hide our authentic selves.
I recently made the choice to dissolve a cohabiting, core partnership in favor of developing a new structure with this beloved. In rewriting our relationship intentions and readjusting our landscapes to incorporate new partners, I felt my trauma surface in the face of changing dynamics and priorities. When I’ve shared my insecurities in the past, it led to communication breakdown, stress, and distance. Over time, this caused me to feel like there was something wrong with me, and I began to hide parts of my authentic self to maintain peace in our dynamic.
There is a concept in RCT called the central relational paradox which states that chronic disconnection can lead to condemned isolation, or a sense that one isn’t worthy of human connection (Duffey & Somody, 2011). Although people desire authentic connection, trauma causes folks to develop protective habits that further ensure isolation. I did this in my cohabiting relationship by hiding my authentic feelings and withdrawing.
This part of my recent relational history is why I have struggled so much in the last year to write these articles. Finding authentic words felt impossible because I wasn’t embodying them. It is also why I felt a deep sense of dread when my trauma responses began to emerge in a new dynamic.
Response Art: Being Held by My Team (2024)
RCT is a perspective which takes the focus off the individual and puts experiences and behaviors into a broader social context. Reflecting on my recent experiences from this lens, I see why when I shared my feelings with this newer partner, they responded in a way where I felt accepted. I didn’t feel like I was ‘wrong,’ or that my feelings were shameful, and they dissipated as instantly as they arose. Nuances in communication styles and trauma histories made all the difference when engaging in the same conversation with two different partners.
Healing occurs through growth-fostering relationships. Some characteristics of a growth-fostering relationship are:
· Mutuality
· Prioritizing each other’s growth and the relationship
· Authentic communication
· Radical acceptance
· Expansion of thought, feeling, and understanding
Along with complicated trauma histories, there were power differentials in my previous relationship which impeded our ability to achieve mutuality. In my experience, without this sense of mutuality it is impossible to step into a space of expansion, radical acceptance, and authentic communication. This served as a detriment in the vulnerable moments. The effect of these power differentials became apparent after we re-configured our relationship structure and were able to establish mutuality.
Using Relationship Anarchy & ENM to Heal Relational Trauma
We heal through being engaged in authentic relationships. We can build structures to foster these kinds of dynamics by fostering relational resilience, which includes the following shifts:
· Individual ‘control over’ —> supported vulnerability
· One-directional needs for support —> mutual empathetic involvement
· Separate self-esteem —> relational confidence
· ‘Power over’ dynamics —> empowerment through encouragement of mutual growth & constructive conflict
· Finding meaning in self-centered/self-consciousness —> creating meaning in expansive relational awareness (Duffey & Somody, 2011)
I began my journey into ENM and RA with intentions to heal relational trauma from my upbringing and early adult life. By cultivating a lifestyle where my relationship structures are based on intentional, mutual agreements which are subject to change, I have developed a foundation of relational healing to lean on in hard times. The struggles I faced over the last year in my cohabiting relationship stemmed from being unable to fully embody these values in that relationship. When we deconstructed and reconstructed our relationship, we were able to move toward relational resilience practices with each other and maintain a deep closeness in our new relationship.
The relationship with my new beloved has the benefit of the wisdom and experience I gained from my last experience. By weaving in agreements to mitigate the same power differentials that occurred, we are setting a structure that very intentionally fosters mutuality. From this mutuality, we work toward healing each other through compersion and inviting authentic communication. Having similar neurodivergence and communication styles make building and maintaining these structures easier.
I notice this growth-fostering relationship creates a feedback loop in my other relationships. With increased relational confidence built from experiences of security and acceptance, I can interface with other beloveds in a way that embodies radical transparency, radical acceptance, and from a community-based mindset.
My trauma responses still show up in both dynamics from time-to-time, and I imagine they will continue to do so as I heal, but the level to which they are enflamed or diminished, and the impact they have on myself and my connections vary based on the connection and structures in place. There is only so much that ‘compatibility’ can do for a dynamic, and we are all accountable to ourselves to meet others in our lives in a space to co-create growth-fostering relationships.
—Emily Lichtenberg
resources
Duffey, T., & Somody, C. (2011). The role of relational-cultural theory in mental health counseling. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 33(3), 223-242.
Relational-Cultural Theory: Fostering Healthy Coexistence Through a Relational Lens
APA: Relational Cultural Therapy Sample
A Relational-Cultural Framework: Emphasizing Relational Dynamics and Multicultural Skill Development (NBCC)
Re-learning Trust as Someone With C-PTSD
Trigger Warning: Discussing C-PTSD & trauma triggers from a firsthand perspective.
Trust is such an important facet of any healthy relationship – especially in relationships that practice Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM). As I further my own practice in cultivating long-term partnerships while simultaneously retaining Relationship Anarchy ideals, I regularly come back to the concept of trust and how it fits in to various aspects of authentic relating.
Trigger Warning: Discussing C-PTSD & trauma triggers from a firsthand perspective.
Trust is such an important facet of any healthy relationship – especially in relationships that practice Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM). As I further my own practice in cultivating long-term partnerships while simultaneously retaining Relationship Anarchy ideals, I regularly come back to the concept of trust and how it fits in to various aspects of authentic relating.
I find one of the hardest parts about building and maintaining healthy, lasting relationships is my hypervigilance around betrayal. Throughout my life I experienced “betrayal trauma,” which is specific trauma that is caused by another person, typically by someone we are close to. For me, it was a combination of growing up learning that trusting others was dangerous, and experiences in adulthood I had with deception and betrayal in close, intimate relationships.
These past traumas find their way into my system at various moments in my core partnership, sometimes triggered by an external circumstance, but often they show up unannounced, unwelcomed, and without context.
For me, this makes it hard to uphold the Relationship Anarchy Manifesto’s principle: “Trust is Better.”
What is Trust?
I decided to research how trauma affects one’s ability to trust, and provide strategies for navigating healing from relational trauma, learning to trust again, and re-building skills to branch trust outward.
I started by examining the definition of “trust,” and looked at some studies that focused on the relationship between one’s level of betrayal trauma and one’s ability to trust.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), trust can be defined as:
“(n) reliance on or confidence in the dependability of someone or something.”
APA defines trust further in a relational context as:
“…the confidence that a person or group of people has in the reliability of another person or group; specifically, it is the degree to which each party feels they can depend on the other party to do what they say they will do...”
I find it important to acknowledge that by this definition, trust does not refer to a person’s inherent goodness, but refers to the consistency of a person’s behavior patterns. For me, taking ethics out of the equation and focusing on behavior helps me navigate my own patterns and issues with trusting without a lot of self-judgment.
When Trust is Damaged
In a 2013 study at the University of Oregon, Gobin & Freyd examined how betrayal trauma might impact a person’s ability to trust in a “Trust Game” environment. In the Trust Game, participants were asked to transfer money to another person, in exchange for getting the same amount of money back. The recipient was actually a computer system which was programmed to return $1 regardless of the amount received. The study used self-report survey measures to gauge the participants’ general and relational trust, and the Trust Game task measured differences in choices between those with and without betrayal trauma.
The study found that the more severe the betrayal trauma was, the less likely a person was to report high measures of general or relational trust. The researchers were surprised to find that participants with high betrayal trauma were no less likely to participate in the Trust Game than the participants with low betrayal trauma.
Another 2018 study examined the relationship between trust and participants with PTSD, using a similar “Trust Game” set up. In this study, Bell et al. noticed that the participants who suffered from PTSD made lower-risk choices than the control group, but still made effort to participate, nonetheless.
These studies reflect aspects of my own experience as a person living with C-PTSD. I struggle to trust deeply, but my desire to try and build trust is also strong.
PTSD and Interpersonal Trauma
Betrayal Trauma Theory (BTT), first coined by Jennifer Freyd in 1994, states that those who suffer from betrayal trauma are likely to dissociate from the trauma in order to preserve the relationship, usually for survival purposes. When betrayal trauma happens in childhood, usually with a caregiver, this dissociation is likely to affect adulthood relationship choices. Those with more severe childhood betrayal trauma are more likely to struggle with recognizing trustworthiness or -unworthiness in others. This causes the survivor to experience more trauma in adulthood.
As someone who lives with C-PTSD, trust is one of the hardest things for me to navigate. In earlier years, I struggled with trusting the right people. My sense of “safe” and “unsafe” were so skewed by years of adapting to dangerous environments that I continued choosing friends and partners who reflected this instability. This only led to more traumatic experiences.
When I finally decided to take my healing seriously, I allowed myself to recognize that I could not trust myself when it came to knowing who was healthy or not. I dedicated time to reflect on past friendships and relationships to find threads and signals I could have recognized earlier in getting to know them. I started paying attention to how my body reacted around certain cues and situations.
I came to the revelation that more times than not, my body knew the right choice about someone right away. It was my mind that stopped trusting my intuition. When I started intentionally listening to my gut reactions, I noticed that I started making better choices in friends and beloveds. Seeing this change in my community inspired me to feel safe enough to begin exploring deeper levels of trust with others again.
Rebuilding Trust
After “recalibrating my sensors,” I began developing loving, healthy relationships with trustworthy people. During this time, I discovered Relationship Anarchy and began internalizing it as a core part of my relating philosophy.
I started this practice with a Solo-Poly structure because I needed to focus on myself as “primary.” Even though I am now cohabiting with a partner, I still believe that I am my own first priority. Taking on this perspective, and living alone at the time, helped me learn how to trust and confide in myself, first.
This went well for a while, and I felt strong and secure in my ability to trust and love until I began cohabiting with my core partner. For me, cohabitation is a huge source of trauma triggers as my most traumatic events happened with people I lived with.
Although my core partner is an amazing and trustworthy person, my nervous system activated at the slightest things. This is one reason we have taken a “time out” on outer relationships, to stabilize and ground together without extra distraction or activation.
This experience is teaching me that trust has many layers. I can completely trust my partner to be transparent with me, to treat me with respect and love, however, I still struggle to fully trust that my home is stable and safe, now that I’m not in full control of that environment.
So, this is where my next area of trust focus is. Again, I am starting with myself – feeling safe in my space within the home, feeling safe within myself in our shared spaces, and feeling that this is *my* home, too. Only after fortifying myself, do I then lean into trust exercises about my partner.
Helpful Strategies to Re-learn Trust
Something I’m learning as I continue to deepen with my core partner is that rebuilding trust skills takes a lot of time and work. I must teach my nerves that I’m safe in my new home. Safety outside of aloneness is an unfamiliar sensation for me, so it takes constant reminding for myself, a lot of transparency, and co-regulation with my core partner.
Rebuilding trust after betrayal trauma requires community and safe space. Here is a list of things that help me during this process:
Guided Meditation – Tara Brach
Taking time to learn someone’s patterns (instead of decided to fully give or deny trust immediately)
Learning how to recognize and trust my intuition (for me, it’s a body feeling)
Learning how to reflect on where I have been right and wrong in trust-giving in the past WITHOUT JUDGMENT
Healthy co-regulation with my core partner and/or trusted friends/beloveds
Safe space to be transparent about feelings that are coming up for me in a moment
Ex: my bedroom is a safe space
Seeing a therapist who specializes in PTSD/C-PTSD treatment
For me, EMDR therapy specifically
“Quieting” the environment by taking away extra factors that cause triggering
Listening to a 24/7 Meditation Music channel in the background can also help
Developing solo rituals that I enjoy to calm my nerves
Ex: taking a bath, drinking tea & reading a good book, etc.
Allowing my process to take its time (not rushing things)
Healthy co-regulation with my core partner or trusted friends helps me learn skills to internalize into self-regulation during moments of activation. Sometimes I find it helpful to think of myself as a friend or client that I’m giving advice to.
Hopefully some of these strategies and insights are helpful for you, or someone you love. Sending wishes to you all!
— written by Amelia Lichtenberg
Helpful Resources:
Relationship Anarchy Manifesto - Andie Nordgren
Betrayal Trauma Overview (wikipedia)
When Trust is Lost: The Impact of Interpersonal Trauma on Social Interactions
The Impact of Betrayal Trauma on the Tendency to Trust
Guided Meditations by Tara Brach
7 Ways to Help Regulate Your Nervous System When You are Stressed
Coming Back to Oneness
CW: C-PTSD mentioned
I had to take time away from non-monogamy in my relationship because my nervous system exploded. It was painful and threw me way off balance, but what was and is even harder for me is the identity crisis that went along with it. I allowed my ego to get attached to the identity of “spokesperson for Ethical Non-Monogamy,” or, as my core partner teasingly calls me, the “Non-Monogamy Expert,” but here I was, triggers flying everywhere, expressing jealousy and insecurity to the point where my core partner asked for us to be monogamous for the time being. It is embarrassing, and it has been hard for me to get back to writing on here because of this cognitive dissonance.
A Reflection on the Importance of the Relationship with Oneself
CW: Mentions of C-PTSD
Related and referenced resources are listed at the bottom of this page!
I had to take time away from non-monogamy in my relationship because my nervous system exploded. It was painful and threw me way off balance, but what was and is even harder for me is the identity crisis that went along with it. I allowed my ego to get attached to the identity of “spokesperson for Ethical Non-Monogamy,” or, as my core partner teasingly calls me, the “Non-Monogamy Expert,” but here I was, triggers flying everywhere, expressing jealousy and insecurity to the point where my core partner asked for us to be monogamous for the time being. It is embarrassing, and it has been hard for me to get back to writing on here because of this cognitive dissonance.
The last time I wrote an article on here I was just meeting my core partner, and thus I was still operating from a vastly different relational framework than I am today. I thought that I was past a lot of my triggers around possession, codependence and jealousy. Before I began building my partnership this was true, but only as far as I could interface with them in the Solo-Polyamorous (SoPo) framework I was operating from. For me, the vulnerability that comes with cohabitation is a very sensitive area where a lot of my trauma and triggers reside. As I grew into a partnership dynamic with my beloved, and as we grew closer and took steps toward cohabiting I noticed a lot of unresolved trauma and fears began to resurface.
The combination of moving into my partner’s house and him starting to explore a new connection for the first time in our relationship triggered powerful C-PTSD flashbacks and intense trauma responses. Despite obvious signs that my nervous system was on overdrive, I tried to push through and be supportive of his exploration. I wanted to be supportive of his exploration. I also felt that I had to be better than my triggers for anything I say on my platforms to be authentic or meaningful. The self-imposed pressure from this fed into my patterns of shaming and cruel self-speak over whether I was actually “good at non-monogamy,” and I questioned my genuine capacity for compersion. I wondered if the rigid morals of my Catholic upbringing were just too strong to unravel, and if this meant I had to rethink how I presented myself to the world.
Instead of taking time and space to hold myself with compassion during these intense shifts, I ended up hurting myself and the dynamics in my relationships because of my pride. Even when things finally settled down and we mutually decided to take a break from our other connections to focus on settling in together, I disregarded the opportunity to pause and reflect with curiosity and compassion. I began obsessing about making sure I would be ready quickly to go back to our non-monogamous dynamics, so that the next time my partner and his lover were together I could show everyone that I really could be compersionate. I had something to prove, and I had to prove it as soon as possible. This only led to more tension betwith my core partner and less inclination to get back to relating in a non-monogamous framework.
Eventually I hit a breaking point which forced me to finally take a step back from obsessing about how others viewed my relationships and identity. I started to see how I was relating with myself, instead. When I spoke with another beloved about the shifts happening in my core relationship, he calmly told me “nothing would make me happier than to see you take some time for yourself, so that you can reflect on the ways you want to relate with yourself first and foremost.” This struck me.
I began to dive deep into finding ways to rebuild my own sense of a secure self. I recognized that regardless of how many acts and declarations of love, care, and devotion my partner gave me, it is nearly impossible for me to wholeheartedly receive them if I am insecure in my relationship to myself. Amidst the embarrassment and obsessive thoughts, I found it incredibly difficult to remain still and content. I noticed my mind trying to force myself into being ready to try again. Unfortunately, this pushing backfired because my nervous system wasn’t ready yet. I find myself feeling so uncomfortable at the idea of being monogamous after spending so much time discussing RA in a non-monogamous setting, but I ultimately must recognize where my own limitations are now. After all, I’m only human, and that’s okay.
I read on Marie Thouin’s blog that compersion is difficult to cultivate when a person feels deeply insecure in themself or their relationship dynamics, when their mind or body aren’t well taken care of, and during stressful times. Moving in with my partner ignited my C-PTSD triggers around abandonment and home security, and I recognize that I was in full-on flashback mode throughout those initial weeks of the transition. Alongside stress around upcoming my grad school interview, and issues with work, it’s no wonder why I struggled to feel compersion or security in the newly evolving dynamics.
When I began allowing myself to accept where I was at in my process and remind myself that there’s no shame in my trauma history, I noticed that out of everyone involved in the situation I was the only one holding onto it. I was the only one deeming myself incapable of cohabiting and non-monogamy. Changing my focus to how I’m showing up for myself opened me up to see how overstimulated I was. I started to slow down, take time to rest, and lean into the monogamous “settling-in” period my partner requested. I began to uncover roots of where the shame around my identity confusion arose, and I started diving deeper into my EMDR treatment for my C-PTSD, rather than spend my therapy sessions crisis managing each triggering moment in my relationship.
Slowing down helped me realize that unless I can take care of myself and treat myself with kindness and care, it’s impossible for me to show up in any of my relationships (regardless of structure) the way I want to. As I write this reflection, there is still a part of me that is antsy to get back to non-monogamous relating, but slowly it’s becoming about my genuine excitement and passion for connection again, rather than my perfectionist obsessions. There is also a larger part of me that is grateful for this “settling in” time with my core, because my nervous system is still fragile and healing. I am beginning to recognize when I’m more likely to be activated, take appropriate steps to navigate those moments, and I’m learning new strategies to cope with the somatic responses each time.
Right now, the goal for me is to focus on the quality of my relationships regardless of their structure and to let go of positive/negative associates with monogamy and non-monogamy, respectively. I believe that until I truly let go of my attachments to either identity, I will find myself in this same struggle at some point again. The most important thing I’ve come to realize during this time is that regardless of what relationship style I’m actively engaged in I can still share my message about conscious relating and loving openly, the “pillars” of Relationship Anarchy", recognizing that it all starts with our relationship within.
— Written by Amelia Lichtenberg
A Guided Meditation for Tapping into the Nervous System & Bodily Awareness
In this meditation we will focus on cultivating bodily presence and awareness through sitting in a mindful awareness of our nervous system. Please allow at least 20-30 minutes for best practices.
In this meditation we will focus on cultivating bodily presence and awareness through sitting in a mindful awareness of our nervous system. Please allow at least 20-30 minutes for best practices.
Have a journal, voice recorder, or some way to externalize your reflections close by. Journaling is not necessary for this practice, but it does deepen the work.
Find a comfortable sitting position to begin. Start by slowing down your breathing. On this next in-breath, try to elongate the breath and count to 5 slowly. Pause for a moment before exhaling. On the out-breath, elongate the breath to the same length as the in-breath, using a slow count of 5. Do this 5-7 more times until you find a rhythm.
“Portal to a Mycellial Dimension” (2019)
Keeping the breath in mind, begin to perform a body scan. Starting from the top of your head, moving through the face, toward the neck, check for any areas where you are holding tension. Release the tension in these areas. A helpful way to do this is to draw the tension in with the in-breath, and let it release on the out-breath. Continue your body scan down your shoulders, arms, upper and lower back, pelvic area… all the way down to your toes, releasing any tension you find.
Take a few breaths in this new, relaxed body. When you are ready, starting from the spine, focus your bodily awareness your nervous system. Feel the different branches of this system extending throughout your body, from your spine to your arms, legs, head, gut… everywhere. How does this feel? Do you notice any alertness in any of these branches? Can you feel the electrical current running through the various nerves? Sit, with elongated breaths, in bodily awareness of your nervous system for a few minutes. Take this time to calm any activated parts and hold compassionate awareness for the sensations this brings up.
After a few minutes, begin to extend your awareness outward even more. From the inside of your skin to the outside. Where the outside of the skin meets the air. Allow your body awareness to expand outwardly and encompass the larger space you are in. How does this feel? Are there any walls, and if so, what do they feel like? How far out can you expand your body/space awareness?
Spend about 5-7 minutes in this expanded space of awareness. Observe with mindful compassion any thoughts or sensations that arise and write them down later. When you are ready, begin to recede your expansion, returning back within your body. How does it feel to be back inside of your body? Are there any changes?
Slowly begin bringing yourself back by bringing awareness back to the nervous system, and to your spinal chord. When you are ready, open your eyes and jot down any observations or experiences you had.
— written by Emily Lichtenberg
A Guide to Trauma-Informed Language & Resources
This is a guide to various terms I use in my trauma-informed pieces.
Please note that these are my definitions for these terms, and I encourage you to discover what terms and definitions work best for you. This guide is here to help you navigate my content more effectively, and you are also welcome to integrate any of these terms and definitions into your own language and practice if they resonate!
This is a guide to various terms I use in my trauma-informed pieces.
Please note that these are my definitions for these terms, and I encourage you to discover what terms and definitions work best for you. This guide is here to help you navigate my content more effectively, and you are also welcome to integrate any of these terms and definitions into your own language and practice if they resonate!
As of June 25, 2021 this guide is very incomplete and is regularly updated with new terms and refined definitions.
Activated/Activation: being in an intense physical/mental state of trauma response. Also referred to as being “triggered.” These states usually consist of constriction within the body, elevated heart rate and breathing, as well as amplified, tense emotional energy such as stress responses, fear, anger, anxiety and more.
Betrayal Trauma Theory (BTT): introduced by Jennifer Freyd in 1994. Betrayal trauma is defined as trauma inflicted upon a person by someone whom they are close with and reliant on for support and survival.
Often discussed in the context of childhood trauma. Survivors of betrayal trauma dissociate from the trauma in order to preserve the relationship with the abuser for survival purposes. This is likely to impact one’s ability to affect a person’s ability to trust or make healthy decisions about the trustworthiness of others as an adult.
C-PTSD: Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
C-PTSD differs from standard PTSD in that there are multiple incidents of trauma which morph together to create complex responses. Often it is difficult to differentiate which trauma is activated by a particular trigger, and C-PTSD is harder to diagnose and treat than standard PTSD.
Fawning: a slightly different stress response than Fight/Flight/Freeze that also serves as a reaction to danger. Similar physiological symptoms occur, however, the response is to attempt appeasement.
I chose to put fawning in its own category because this response tends to be learned through socialization and/or traumatic life experiences moreso than Fight/Flight/Freeze (which are more autonomic by nature). While fawning does share similar physiological symptoms to the other three F’s, the development of this behavior is different, and it is the only response which specifically utilizes human’s social nature for its effects.
Fight/Flight/Freeze: a stress response that serves as the body’s natural reaction to danger. All of these share similar physiological symptoms and serve as an active defense response to threats.
Fight: the fight response is when the body’s immediate response to danger is to gear up to fight a threat.
Flight: the flight response is when the body’s immediate response is to run away from a threat
Freeze: the freeze response is when the body’s immediate response is to neither run, nor fight, but remain alertly still and ready to spring into action.
More information on the Fight/Flight/Freeze physiological symptoms and purposes.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): a psychological disorder which can develop after a person experiences a shocking, terrifying, or dangerous event. This disorder is characterized by a person regularly re-experiencing the traumatic event, and this is indicated by an immediate fight/flight/freeze response to a person, place, object, or event which can serve as a “trigger.”
For more information about PTSD signs and symptoms, click here.
Radical Acceptance: The practice of surrendering a desire for control, and a practice of accepting that which we cannot change with a peaceful mind, open heart, and sense of deep compassion.
This term was coined by Tara Brach, and it is an integral part of her work and practice. I have adopted this term into my own personal and professional practice as it beautifully encapsulates what RA is about and the practice often needed to work through serious trauma-induced belief and thought patterns.
Please read Tara’s in-depth article about Radical Acceptance here.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): A relatively new term to describe a condition in which an individual struggles with rejection, criticism, and the fear of rejection to a debilitating point.
Self-Regulation: The process of healthily navigating one’s biopsychosocial ups and downs (“swings”).
Self-regulation consists of various tools and methodologies one uses to handle their internal swings. This blanket term encompasses emotional regulation, psychological (thought pattern) regulation, and somatic regulation.
Somatic Awareness: One’s awareness of how the body responds to mental and/or emotional experiences.
The body carries responses to our mental and emotional experiences, even when we are not aware of it. Somatic awareness is an important concept in trauma-informed practice and discussion as often times traumatized individuals have a disconnect from their body (this includes the nervous system). Re-connecting oneself with the body and developing an understanding of how it responds to mental/emotional strain can help facilitate de-escalation and help refine self-regulation strategies.
Trigger: A topic, behavior, subject or circumstance which acts as a prompt for trauma re-activation.
Triggers are different for every individual based on their experiences. It is important to be aware of our own triggers as well as retain a sense of mindfulness around the triggers our beloveds may have. Due to the stigma that can be associated with this word, I interchange this with “prompt.”
This guide is frequently updated with new terms and refined definitions! If there is a term you do not see on this guide and would like it to be added, or if you have any questions regarding these terms please contact me.